Brag Better

Author: Meredith Fineman
Full Title: Brag Better
Tags: Books [[Did Not Finish]]
Recommendation: 3/5 Nothing super groundbreaking here, but worth a read if you aren’t comfortable talking about yourself. Particularly helpful for people earlier in their career to give them some focus and direction.

Summary

It’s not enough to just do good work. You have to practice telling people how good your work is.
Take pride in your personality. It’s what makes you uniquely you, shapes how you work, the influence you bring to a team, and is one of your biggest assets.
Don’t be ashamed to talk about yourself. How would your best friend talk about you? Someone who really likes you? Talk about yourself like that, and don’t apologize or qualify.

Highlights

1 The “B” Word (Location 87)

The Qualified Quiet: a group of highly competent individuals who are underestimated because they lack a strategy for self-promotion, thinking their work will speak for itself. Well, it does not. (Location 91)
Like most of The Qualified Quiet, she was working too hard on the product and not enough on the presentation. When (Location 97)
Nina made the mistake of focusing only on the “work” she produced, not realizing her assets included her personality. (Location 99)
One of the reasons why it was easy to promote Nina was that she had unambiguous goals. She knew her audience, her desired medium, and her message. She knew exactly where she wanted to be. She wanted to be a television commentator, and she knew specifically which shows she wanted to book and that her audience was interested in politics. (Location 115)
Redefining Bragging “Brag” is a dirty word. I’m here to change that. I use it intentionally. I want to get your attention, then show you how to do it. (Location 136)
Bragging Better requires cultivating pride in your work and then taking small actions that help you share it with those around you. (Location 141)
Bragging Better has nothing to do with pretending—to yourself or to others—that you’re more qualified or confident than you are. Knowing how to brag well is different from faking it till you make it, which we all do when it’s necessary. And (Location 148)
I’ll share a simple formula for creating an effective brag, and you’ll learn the easy actions that you can take to prepare yourself for successful bragging. You’ll also learn some next-level tactics. (Location 153)
The Qualified Quiet (Location 156)
those who struggle with or need help finding, feeling, acknowledging, translating, and expressing their amazing abilities, qualities, and accomplishments. (Location 157)
That doesn’t mean there aren’t common benchmarks you can use to determine “work,” just so you get an idea: You have something to say about your work and your area of expertise. You’ve spent years studying and working within your area of expertise. You feel like you know much more than others who are getting more recognition. You are in a leadership position of any kind within your team or your company. You have an advanced degree in your field (or even a different field). (Location 165)
You’ve spoken on a panel regarding your expertise. You’re a resource for reporters on your subject area. (Location 170)
Bragging Better is an ongoing practice, like any other skill. You have to practice being proud of what you’ve done and sharing it with others. (Location 173)
I want you to be loud and proud about what you’ve accomplished, but I also want you to be strategic. You need to have a plan for promoting yourself, and you need to understand what it means to Brag Better. (Location 234)
The Three Pillars The three pillars of Bragging Better are to be proud, loud, and strategic. (Location 236)
BE PROUD This is the essential first pillar of Bragging Better. (Location 241)
Repeat to yourself over and over again that bragging is simply stating facts. (Location 245)
BE LOUD When I say “loud,” I’m not referring to the actual volume of your voice. “Loud” means consistently sharing and advocating for yourself and your work. It also means using your voice to help other people—not (Location 252)
BE STRATEGIC If visibility doesn’t align with your bigger life goals, there’s no point in going after it—it’s just more noise. You have to channel your brags in a way that strategically reinforces your goals. (Location 259)
Knowing what you want to get out of your brags is essential. What do you want? What are you gunning for? Don’t worry—we will break down those big, life-altering questions. (Location 265)
Having a strategy will also help you identify your audience and meet them where they are, so they can better absorb your message. (Location 268)
Speaking up: not only when it matters, but also when it benefits those around you and helps raise all voices. Bragging Better is not just for your benefit. Your ability to confidently share your work will inspire those who are afraid to raise their voices, too. It’s also part of your responsibility to think about how you can showcase the voices of the people who have also done the work and deserve recognition. We cannot do it all ourselves, and paying it forward is gratifying and does a true service to others, whether we know it or not. (Location 281)

2 Why Is Bragging So Hard? (Location 370)

guts, but this is a muscle you need to flex. You might worry that by bragging, you become a target. You’re putting the spotlight on yourself and making yourself vulnerable. As (Location 372)
Somewhere along the line, we decided that bragging isn’t included in the category called “work.” **Nine times out of ten a client comes to me saying, “I’d rather just put my head down and do the work than take the time and energy to brag about it.” (Location 375)
Bragging is part of your work.** (Location 377)
“You have to tell people what you’re going to tell them, you have to tell them, and then you have to tell them what you told them.” (Thanks, Dad!) This idea dates back to Aristotle, who wrote about consistency of phrase, but the quote is from an English preacher in 1908, who talked about how he wrote his sermons. The power of repetition matters. (Location 388)
If more women leaders, in particular, took the time to share their professional stories, it would create a world where it feels more possible for women to lead in government, in business, in entertainment, in technology, in every area. (Location 410)
Especially in America, we reward loud. (Location 414)
It’s rarely the person with the longest résumé or the most degrees spouting their opinions on a highly visible platform, but the person who is unafraid to get out there and say it. Take a look at who we reward with money, power, and the presidency. (Location 417)
LOUD TRUMPS MERIT (Location 420)
“There is someone who knows more than I do.” (Location 449)
“If I could do it all over again,” Clance told Slate, “I would call it the impostor experience, because it’s not a syndrome or a complex or a mental illness, it’s something almost everyone experiences.” (Location 471)
“BUT I’M INTROVERTED” If you’re introverted, you prefer deep one-on-one conversations with a small circle, and people tire you out. (Location 509)

3 Be Proud (Location 597)

“People are not doing you a favor by having you work with them,” says Luvvie Ajayi. “You are bringing value to the table. Stand in that and know that. I do think a lot of times, we don’t really believe that we’re bringing something of value to the table, so then we don’t stand our ground.” (Location 609)
Why Are You Here? (Location 615)
Why are you here? Why do you want to Brag Better? What do you want to be able to do by the end of this book? What does the word “brag” mean to you? What thoughts or feelings do you experience when you hear or say the word “brag”? (Location 620)
If the word “brag” brings up negative feelings, how would you describe them? What mental images or memories arise with those feelings? For each of those feelings and thoughts, can you describe why you might be feeling them and what life experiences those feelings or memories might be associated with? (For example, you might have a negative experience with your family, in your work, with friends, or with a group.) Is there anything else from your past that might also inform your feelings about bragging about yourself? If those feelings were resolved, what would you be able to do? Are there ways that you can start to talk about your work and the work that you’ve done that might serve you better? How can you ask for help in bragging? Who can you ask for help? What’s one thing you can do this week that will lead you to lean in to your discomfort and accomplish the goals you have for yourself around Bragging Better? (Location 624)
What Have You Done? (Location 637)
List your accomplishments over the last year—at least one per month. List your top accomplishments over the past five years. Include accomplishments that are outside of work. (Location 642)
- #todo What did I accomplish this week? #work ⏫ 🔁 every week on Friday 📅 2022-09-23 ✅ 2022-09-26
- #todo What did I accomplish this week? #work ⏫ 🔁 every week on Friday 📅 2022-09-16 ✅ 2022-09-19
- #todo What did I accomplish this week? #work ⏫ 🔁 every week on Friday 📅 2022-09-09 ✅ 2022-09-14
- #todo What did I accomplish this week? #work ⏫ 🔁 every week on Friday 📅 2022-09-02 ✅ 2022-09-06
- #todo What did I accomplish this week? #work ⏫ 🔁 every week on Friday 📅 2022-08-26 ✅ 2022-08-30
- #todo What did I accomplish this week? #work ⏫ 🔁 every week on Friday 📅 2022-08-19 ✅ 2022-08-30
- #todo What did I accomplish this week? #work ⏫ 🔁 every week on Friday 📅 2022-08-12 ✅ 2022-08-15
- [-] #todo What did I accomplish this month? ⏫ 📅 2023-01-27
- #todo What did I accomplish this month? ⏫ 🔁 every month on the last Friday 📅 2022-12-30 ✅ 2023-01-03
- #todo What did I accomplish this month? ⏫ 🔁 every month on the last Friday 📅 2022-11-25 ✅ 2023-01-03
- #todo What did I accomplish this month? ⏫ 🔁 every month on the last Friday 📅 2022-10-28 ✅ 2023-01-03
- #todo What did I accomplish this month? ⏫ 🔁 every month on the last Friday 📅 2022-09-30 ✅ 2022-10-24
- #todo What did I accomplish this month? ⏫ 🔁 every month on the last Friday 📅 2022-08-26 ✅ 2022-09-02
for a nonprofit? Did you volunteer for a worthy cause? Include anything you did that feels like an achievement. List any accomplishments from your previous employers that make you proud. Write about the aspects of your personality that you bring into your work. Are you extroverted? Intuitive? Funny? How does your personality make you better at what you do? List the projects you have worked on in the last year that you are most proud of. What makes you proud of your work? What about those projects did you like, and what skills did these projects allow you to use? What are you best at in your current position? List five regular tasks that you do in your current work that excite you. Get as specific as possible. They don’t have to be big tasks, just something you enjoy (for example, I personally enjoy preparing folders for big meetings because it makes me feel organized and in control). List what you have learned about yourself and your work in the last year and in the last five years. (Location 644)
List any new skills, abilities, certificates, or degrees that you have acquired in the last year or in the last five years. (Location 653)
What Are Your Self-Stats? (Location 684)
Keep track of your self-stats. Write each one down, no matter how small you think they might be. (Location 697)
Constructing Your Brags (Location 704)
Use as few adjectives as possible, and leave comparisons to other people out of your brags: (Location 705)
SUPERPOWER WORDS Words are a superpower. Your (Location 726)
That’s why I chose this combination of three “superpower” words for myself—funny, thoughtful, and helpful. (Location 730)
Verbal Undercutting: What Not to Say (Location 802)
The word “trying” or “attempting,” qualifiers that tell the reader you aren’t doing the work, need to be avoided. These qualifiers communicated her hesitancy and doubt in herself to potential users, customers, and even investors. (Location 816)
You want to use an active voice versus a passive one to show your activity and forward movement. (Location 819)
A list of phrases you should never use when bragging: Self-promotion alert! Shameless plug I hate to brag, but . . . Shameless self-promotion (This is really a killer as it combines two.) (Location 829)

4 Be Loud (Location 913)

So much of being able to Brag Better is cultivating the ability to say what you mean and say what you want—without sugarcoating, without tempering it to avoid someone else’s discomfort. (Location 967)
Let’s take a moment to talk about what I mean (and don’t mean) when I say “be direct.” Too often, people hear the word “direct” and think of the words “blunt” or “confrontational.” That’s (Location 979)
THE DNA OF A GREAT BRAG: GRATITUDE, PRIDE, PRESENTATION, AND SHOWMANSHIP (Location 1049)
The four elements required for a good brag are gratitude, pride, presentation, and showmanship. (Location 1052)
Gratitude (Location 1055)
to create supportive environments going forward. When you share gratitude, you undercut any icky feelings around bragging. If you say something like, (Location 1100)
Pride (Location 1103)
“When somebody says something that you did sucked, you might think, ‘You’re right,’” says Luvvie Ajayi. And yet, “When people say something that you did was amazing, you doubt them. How is it that we accept criticism, but we don’t accept praise?” (Location 1110)
Try these suggested or example words and phrasing: So proud of this report I wrote last week. Delighted that I was included in this panel among other movers and shakers in the business. I’m so proud of this big project I turned in on time, and it did well for one of our biggest accounts. (Location 1120)
Presentation (Location 1124)
Use these suggested or example words and phrasing: Thrilled to share this photo from my speech. You can watch video of it in the link in my bio. Thank you to the hosts @host and @otherpanelists. (Instagram) **I wanted to share an article I wrote. Please help me amplify it: “I loved @yourhandle’s article. Read more at (link).” (**Twitter) (Location 1135)
A good exercise is [to ask], ‘What would my very best friend in the world say about me? What would he or she say they love about me?’ Then you need to talk about yourself like that—with all of the love, care, and affection of a close friend.” (Location 1156)
Showmanship (Location 1164)
Your description of yourself needs to be goal-oriented, instead of a list of things you do in order from best to most speculative. You’re in charge of how people see you. (Location 1222)
Sharing and Vulnerability (Location 1224)
Sometimes what you think makes you feel “weak” is actually the most powerful of all. (Location 1241)
Make Bragging Regularly a Habit (Location 1242)
Put it in your calendar and brag on a weekly or monthly basis. (Location 1245)
Track your accomplishments and the benchmarks you’ve reached throughout the year so that you are prepared to share these facts with your boss or manager. (Location 1246)
Make sure that at least once a month you are including brags in your email communication to your manager and to those you report (Location 1248)

5 Be Strategic (Location 1262)

Get out a pen and paper and write down exactly what you want to achieve—this week, this month, and this year. Breaking it down makes it a lot less scary. Now consider what each of the goals or wants listed means to you. A pay raise leads to more money for vacations with your friends or family. More time to speak in a meeting means a greater ability to contribute. Being published feels like your thoughts are being heard. A promotion results in having your colleagues look to you more often. Getting that extra-zero speaking gig leads to bigger and better gigs. (Location 1298)
You could send a survey to a group of people in your circle. What’s important about this list of people is that each sees you from a different angle. Pick a family member, a close friend, someone you’re friendly with, a coworker, someone you’ve worked with in the past, and maybe someone you know only over social media. Then email them one or more of the following questions, asking for their help and explaining some context: What do you think I do? How would you explain my job? What would you tell someone else about my career and work? (Location 1331)
Part of Bragging Better is understanding where your audience is, what they are reading, and what they in particular want to see in order for you to get what you want. In this case, she was not doing those things. (Location 1368)
other indicators of performance and value. Had she only worked on getting general attention, it wouldn’t have reinforced her goal. Anyone can get attention. But attention toward your professional goals is the point here. (Location 1382)
colleagues are about small wins and what it means for your team and for you. This isn’t about sharing credit when you did all the work; rather, it’s about creating a long-term, consistent strategy for Bragging Better with those you work with every day. Sometimes it’s just as important to highlight (Location 1409)
BRAGGING TO YOUR BOSS Bragging Better in front of your boss is tricky. Your boss is a necessary person to impress, and one that gives a lot of us a headache. (Location 1419)
BRAGGING TO YOUR COLLEAGUES VERSUS THE PUBLIC (Location 1434)
The biggest difference is that your colleagues already know you. They know what you’re about, possibly what you bring (Location 1435)
for lunch (and how it smells when you leave it in the microwave), and if they work directly with you, what you do all day, every day. (Location 1436)
Overall, when you consider your colleagues, you need to determine your goal. Do you want them to listen to you more in meetings, pay attention to your project contributions, or let you lead more? Make a list of what you want as a result of brags to your colleagues. Moving backward from what you want, tailor a brag emphasizing how well you do what you want to be known for. (Location 1444)
OTHER EVERYDAY BRAGS AND ETIQUETTE Here are a few scenarios where you can Brag Better: (Location 1461)
An elevator flyby: Keep it short and sweet. Two sentences on what you’re working on, why it’s of interest to that person, and how you’re killing it. A big meeting: Know when it’s your turn to talk and take about a minute to describe what you’re doing that is great and of interest to the rest of the team. In an email: Three sentences on what you’re excited about in an outcome of yours, plus a compliment to another team member, plus an actionable item. One-on-one: This depends on what kind of time you have. Be sure not to run over, and have a list of three key points you want to make with that person. Forwarding emails: As long as there aren’t rules about privacy, sharing a flattering email and flagging it helps you to show, not tell. (Location 1462)